Kenyon Curren LAW
Of Mice And Men
The Force
Kenyon Curran, Ph.D. is a public speaker, consultant, and disability rights advocate. She is a 2016 MacArthur Fellow and has authored numerous books, including Extensions of the Edge: Mastering the Edge of Success. (See her website .) She is a 2016 Ki-Annu Hauser Fellow at the American Council on Education. Follow her on Twitter @kenyequirct.
Escape the Cult of Trump and Be Kind to Yourself
Turning away from toxic disinformation and getting concrete about our cognitive bubbles.
Posted Apr 30, 2021
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THE BASICS
What Is the Force?
Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
Source: Photo by Danny Wimsatt on Unsplash
For more than 30 years, I fought a losing battle against the Ku Klux Klan. I watched as white people were slaughtered; we were reminded of racial identity politics, hatred of institutional racism, and violence. I saw how our hatred was amplified when we were informed that George Washington was the president of the United States, not exactly Lincoln-Lincoln, but close enough. I saw how we could turn this hatred into action with people we didn’t know and with white people we knew.
After I杷d won, I sat with that emptiness for a while. I pondered what we had been told ourselves: That’s how you win. Winning is easy. Everyone wins. While I debated with myself over who won, I couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of it all. How could anyone wear white? Even with the heaviest restrictions, how could anyone vote?
That realization got me to re-evaluate the world I had been living in. I looked at my neighbors, nephews, and adult children and realized that I had always been surprised that I could be so different from them. I kept wondering: Who could be so different? How could they be as important to us as they are to those who are different? How could they share in our activities, our beliefs, our joys? We were different, and that made it all the more meaningful.
I re-evaluated the world I had been living in. I took a deep breath and decided: This is who I am.
I grew up in the nine-month-long, three-book course, “You Should Know:” a series of practical suggestions built to help people live their best lives. Each course covers a different topic, each episode builds on the other:
Guiding Choices
Watching for signs that your child or adolescent is being emotionally abused
Encouraging your child or adolescent to reach out to mental health providers for support
Exposing your child or adolescent to the world, aka: the values, principles, and ideas of diversity
My client (aged 12) struggled with the double bind of wanting to be nice and not want to beestrayed. She was coming from a place of privilege where she felt she had no choice but to be cooperative and patient with her father. She felt she had to willfully choose sides and disappoint her dad. In the end, she and her dad reconciled themselves.
Some people (especially those that have darker skinheads) can get emotional about wanting to be accepted, and they can disagree with each other. But they should understand that there is no one right way to be an empathetic partner. There is always room for negotiation.
Four Ways to Be a Part of the Solution
First, take a breath and think about your role. It is not for everyone to know how to act as an empathetic partner. That is up to them.
Second, tell your child or adolescent that everyone should be an empathetic partner. Tell them that participating in an interpersonal interaction is a positive action that brings people benefits. Be prepared to back off if your child or adolescent acts in an antagonistic or derogatory manner. Make a post-conflict statement apologizing for your child's or adolescent's behavior.
Third, ensure that your child or adolescent maintains the social contact that is expected of every person. If you know that he or she has upset someone, it is immediately visible and it is easier to empathize with the other person. By mirroring his or her behavior with respect and ATTraction, you are demonstrating that you do care.
The final decision is to take the matter to court.