Graeme F. Newton Ph.D.
Garfula Fantastical Advice
Narcissism
The Self-Love Dark
When Narcissists Get Angry
How to not get wound up by a narcissist or narcissistic encounter.
Posted Apr 29, 2021
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Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
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THE BASICS
What Is Narcissism?
Find a therapist who understands narcissism
Source: Damir Omerović/Unsplash
I don't know why, exactly, but this past year has been a long time in the making. We have all had to make way for the ghosts of the past year.
If you are a narcissist, you cannot be - or you would know immediately why.
You can understand that people with NPD are usually highly defensive when they are confronted with criticism. They won't compromise, they won't apologize, and they won't even try to disguise or downplay their behavior.
That said, if you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, even if you're not the target of any type of abuse, you are rendered uniformly irresponsible for your behavior.
How you understand this may vary. If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may have to whisper to your partner or tell everyone about your experience about how awful you found them. Or you may have to serve as a go-between, trying to change the victim’s narrative so that the cooperation of your partner can happen, which is basically the point of the sham.
I haven't worked with many people who have this problem, but I have seen plenty of people at both the low end of the spectrum and the extreme ends. The problem is that the people who are abusive toward their family or others are usually young and inexperienced, which makes it much easier to tolerate them, much less protect them.
This may be the reason that Dr. Rogan recommends working with a psychologist who’s never going to be abusive. Because you have some experience of them already.
He also says that friends are never harmful, and that if you come across a friend who is an abuser or harasser, you should talk to him or invite him to therapy, not necessarily because he’s the problem, but because the behavior is hurting someone and needs to be policed. For example, he recommends signing a "friend granting" letter to the harasser or the person harassing you.
He also suggests starting a long-term project like the Brookings Project on narcissism and psychology to ensure that we never, ever diverge from the main goal of understanding ourornorality and dismantling white supremacy or neo-narcissism.