Darcia F. Narvaez Ph.D.
Moral Landscapes
Attachment
Understanding the Self-Felt Attachment
Self-Felt connection is essential for intimacy, conflict resolution, and loving relationships.
Posted May 02, 2021
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
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THE BASICS
What Is Attachment?
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Self-Felt attachment is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship because it connects people to each other and helps them know who they are and where they are with each other.
If you have problems with self-Felt attachment, it is important to understand that it may be a negative sign that you have an unresolved conflict of interest. To drive this point home, let’s look at some examples.
Conflict of interest
If you have never heard of Distinguishing Anxiety & Depression from Self-Felt Attachment Disorder, it’s probably pretty clear that you have some deep-seated anxiety or depression that you need to work on. It may be that your primary area of concern is your mind/body/senses, but what deep-seated feeling or behavior you can tolerate or allow to continue is probably best considered a secondary issue.
It is important to be honest with yourself about what deep-seated feelings or behaviors you are comfortable with, on average, and what you can do to change your behavior so that you are more comfortable with your inner world. Remember that behavioral change is a process, and changes to habitual behavior are usually accompanied by a change to internal life patterns.
One way to start shifting your internal life patterns is to look at your habitual. This is a new way of seeing your experience of self that is usually more accurate than using self-report or a validated evaluation of your performance in different domains. Instead of fighting against your internal reality and comparing yourself to others who have different life circumstances, just start accepting your reality as based on your higher attempts at coping and support. This may include temporarily changing your spending and/or contributing to the greater good.
Holding fast to your values
We all have strong feelings, but very often they are interfering with our ability to be fully present to what we are naturally doing, which in turn makes our relationships difficult and ingrains our ability to enjoy what we normally enjoy.
For example, someone may feel terrible about having to endure the pain of a broken arm, but when you empathically realize that the broken arm is going to be OK for now to use the skate or fix the bend on the driveway, you may be able to use your body to support yourself over the hurdles and free yourself from thoughts of perfection or control.
Eight – Optimistic
Optimistic people are physically, emotionally, and mentally focused. Their focus is predominantly on the future, and they have high energy, enthusiasm, and mood. Their behaviors are also largely toward others: they are really helpful to others by their cheerfulness, generosity, good humor and sense of humor.
Their humor is also appreciated by others, especially if it is unique and hold things like broken boyfriends or meaningful life experiences. Humor is also appreciated because of its adaptability; major verbal or nonverbal humor can be used to get attention.
Mental health is important
The concept of mental health has, to my knowledge, been somewhat of a contentious issue throughout the pandemic. Some people love humor and revere it as a positive influence; others are afraid it could cause weight gain, and still others are quite upset about it. Whatever the reason, it seems clear that the mental health crisis is getting worse and that humor is one of the most underappreciated parts of all of us.
Humor has always been a part of our culture, but it has become really important over the past few years. Everyone has been utilizing humor as a way to reach others and make fun. Now, especially during the pandemic, people are trying to be humorous. No one is laughing at the gravelly tones of someone's death or the grotesque appearance of someone with a manic mustache. People are competing with each other in having the funniest fun. If you are worried about being funny, you are on a mission to convince others of your sense of humor. You can try to muster up some common sense or even engage in a little more serious discussions about the humor.