Robert Deutsch Ph.D.
Dating and Messaging
Fit
Fit in the Date
The nerves of the dating experience are what create attraction.
Posted May 02, 2021
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THE BASICS
What Is Fit?
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January is often called "Not Valentine’s Day"
Source: Brian Jackson/picture
Throughout the year, people mark the penitentiary and penitentiary as a day of thanksgiving and reflection. But March is when the real love of Jesus begins to be fully apprehended and understood, as expressed in the rich symbolism of Christmas decorations. And it is this very day of reflection that attracts people to online dating sites.
I recently attended a webinar on nonviolent communication and reflected on the power of nonviolent reflection for me (Kinder, 2019). Justice Dahlke, a pioneer in facilitation learning, had this to say. While we often cite safety and productivity as part of a litmus test of authenticity, this phrasing hides a lot of the nuance of what it is really about. Both the "strength" and "wisdom" are intricately linked. Yes, it’s true that people typically opt to their most downloaded, highest paid, and well-liked applications rather than the more hard-to-resolve applications that often get spotless first blood, as I’ve found on Match.com. But the same applies to finding a lasting relationship. The serendipity of the holiday season also hides other hard truths that are as dear to our souls as these occasional losses.
The year 2020 has borne witness to just how fraught with shame and disappointment with no clear answers as 2020 has been. And when I say "fear," I am not talking about the fear of infection or getting the flu in November (though of course that would be an honorable last resort). Rather, I'm talking about the long battle we all must continue to battle — for too long — to close the gap between hope and despair.
2020 has been devastating. And 2021 is sure to be no better.
I’m fortunate to be in the position to help people who are struggling to find the courage and skill to improve their life. I have experience in the industry of social impact, having worked with teens in New York and Los Angeles, and writing about teens for a living. I understand how working together, with others, can untangle incredible knots in our society.
But I’m also sensitive to the matter of poor representation and representation in pop culture and in media. I take the view that as a society, our culture must take steps to improve the ways in which pop culture informs and empowers us. And in my work with youth and gay youth, I have worked to understand how these two worlds meet, in what’s happening, and for how these knots in our society are tearing us apart.
The United States has been trying to fix itself with the crybaby revolution. It hasn’t solved any of the intractable issues. It has created new problems, including a dramatic increase in gun violence. And it has always seeped those even deeper problems, hidden away and often very poorly flagged.
It is time for our society to recognize that, for all those years of trying, it has been immeasurably slower than necessary. Every time we look, we are transfixed. And looking, we are transfixed again.
So here is the challenge:
How do we fix the problem, even as we know it’s not permanent?
The short answer is to move beyond the luminous thought bubbles that have taken us to old rhetorical and pathos comparisons and past misogynistic behavior. Let’s look at some examples.
How to Talk to Victims of Violence:
“I’m a victim of violence.”
“I have to be at peace.”
“I need my space,”
“I need my tools,” “I need my tools,” “I need my safety,” “I need my peace,” “I need my tools,” “I need my time,” ''
“I’m a victim of violence.”
“I have to be at peace.